Approaching of the Storm

For once when I close my eyes, I see, drying tears I feel,

Absent encouragement I hear, backslidden confidence I know

 

My empty eyes see crowds full of smiles,

My inferior hands always shook someone else’s accomplishments

 

The hell around me tortured my prior beaten mind

A damned existence in this bitter culture

I considered my life as shit, labeled a fag, name disgraced, and my future destiny absurd

If this is offensive or otherwise rude

Think about what a lonely child like me felt like crying asleep at night in my room

The pain of others were relived in my handicapped life of cozy emotion

 

When my hope was silent like the approaching of the storm

Just like the flood continues even after the rain,

How can you stop the mental misery after the hatred goes away?

Every trauma leaves a scar, but how do you heal a scar left on the mind

I can’t help to wonder if today’s thunder cloud will be the cloud that I don’t get through

While the lighting and rain falls, alone I walk soaking in the hurt, soon I’m bound to leak

 

Why must I have gone through it all?

Others have golden platters; my life did not come with one

Wishing I could mask what is real, stop being the square in everyone’s friendship circle

It is ironic how a child is thrown into a adult world with no guidance

How can I follow with no one to lead?

 

After a few bubbles of happiness, I seem to run straight into the thorns

For goodness sake, does society want me to go or to stay?

How can you love me privately but hate me when you are with your friends publicly

I’m so frustrated, my relationship’s complicated

Is my future being driven by my past?

Are society’s facts, my fiction?

Would a genuine girlfriend be a contradiction?

It seems like every battle in my life, my team was losing

Lack of role models makes my certainty confusing

No body warned me about the dangers

Life was supposed to be a treat but I never saw that feature

I didn’t ask to be abandoned or abused

All I ask is for someone to unwrap my twisted points of view